even if

Yesterday, I got in my car and heard the song Hallelujah Anyway. Most days lately, you’ll find me listening to an audiobook while I drive, but this time K-LOVE was playing, and the song stirred something in me.

Over the last year, I’ve found myself drawn again and again to the phrase: even if, but it started from the song “Even If” by MercyMe. Lyrics that came to my heart at just the right time:

I know You're able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone

Looking back I think I have always wrestled with wanting to control the outcome.  Honestly, I think many of us struggle with that. We want answers. We want clarity. We want things to work out according to our plans and timelines.

At the beginning of the year, while reading The Daniel Fast, I was drawn to the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in Daniel 3.  and their response to King Nebuchadnezzar:

“If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it… But even if He does not… we will not serve your gods.”
— Daniel 3:17–18

That phrase again: even if.  God is able. He can heal. He can restore. He can open doors. He can change circumstances in an instant.  But faith is deeper than believing God can. Real faith says that even if He doesn’t answer the way I hoped, even if the breakthrough never comes, even if life looks different than I planned, He is still good. He is still trustworthy.  Another part of this passage stood out to me too:

“We do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter.”

That one is hard for me.  So much of me wants to explain myself, defend my intentions, and make sure people understand my side of the story. I want to be heard. I want to feel justified. But I’m learning that not every battle requires my defense. God already knows the truth. He already knows the plans.  And maybe peace comes when we finally loosen our grip.  The lyrics from Hallelujah Anyway say:

Even if my daylight never dawns
Even if my breakthrough never comes
Even if I’ll fight to bring You praise
Even if my dreams fall to the ground
Even if I’m lost, I know I’m found
Even if my heart will somehow say
Hallelujah anyway

I don’t want to live the second half of my life crippled by anxiety and the need to control every outcome.  I want to loosen my grip on the things I was never meant to control.  I want to believe that even if things don’t go the way I planned, I can still choose gratitude. I can still choose flexibility. I can still choose trust.

And maybe that’s what faith really looks like:  Hallelujah anyway.