Are We Gonna be Okay?

Today, I’m not okay. And I think that’s worth saying out loud.

This morning I woke up early with a heavy heart. September 11 is always a day that carries weight — for our country, for those who remember exactly where we were, and for those who were too young to fully understand but live in the ripple effects still.

This year, that weight feels even heavier in the last few days.  So much has happened already this month, things I can’t explain or make sense of. As a mom to college-age kids and a son in the National Guard, the world they’re living in often leaves me speechless. A recent death at Fort Leonard Wood shook me deeply — a place that once held my son for months. Now it’s marked with sorrow.  September is Suicide Prevention Month, and this week we acknowledged 988 Day. I shared about it, hoping it might help someone. But this year, it just doesn’t feel like enough.

The truth is… my heart is full of too many big feelings.

So I turned to something I always recommend to others: journaling. Only this time, I’m making my journal entry public.

Social media is a strange place — it can be the best and worst of our lives. I’ve stepped away before. I’ve done a 40-day social media fast more than once, and I always feel lighter when I’m off. It’s tempting to just tune it all out — the news, the noise, the fear. But today, it doesn’t feel that simple.  Some might say I’m putting my head in the sand. Even my own kids are sometimes shocked when I don’t know about the latest headline. But the truth is… maybe I want to live with my head in the sand. Because this world? This is not the America I grew up in.  Last year, while teaching General Psychology, we talked about flashbulb memories — those vivid, permanent mental snapshots. I have a few. I remember exactly where I was when the Challenger exploded. I remember exactly where I was as I watched the Twin Towers fall. That memory hit me fresh again this morning.  I wonder: What flashbulb memories will our kids carry? What grief will they shoulder as part of their coming-of-age?

Some days I feel so powerless to what’s happening around me. The only thing that gives me peace is knowing that God is still orchestrating a plan. I cling to that. Because this world is broken. And some days, the devastation feels like too much.  Music has been a lifeline lately.  Today, I found myself listening to “So Will I” — a song my daughter sings beautifully — and “Be Okay” by Lauren Daigle. We had the joy of hearing her in concert recently, and that song always hits deep for me around Patriot’s Day.

So if you’re reading this, please hear me:

It’s okay not to be okay.

Speak about it.

Share your heart.

Check on your people today.