Anne Hathaway is currently in her prime. In 2026, she starred in five movies, which is quite a feat for a Hollywood actor. Many actors might be in one or two movies in a year, and really three at the most. She is also 43, pregnant, and expecting a baby. I would like to think I have some memory of being 43, but honestly, my biggest memory would probably be knowing that I absolutely did not want to be pregnant at 43.
Recently, I saw a video of Anne Hathaway talking about her rise to fame and where she is now in her life and career. She said something that stuck with me. She talked about choosing to value and prioritize her joy.
I love that.
And for some reason, it kept coming back to me after an interaction I recently had with a colleague. I received an email from this person, another professional in the field, the final line said:
“Your email hurt my feelings."
Now, let me preface this for a minute. I had set a firm boundary with this person because she had imposed on my personal space on more than one occasion. She presents herself as extremely unhappy, and that unhappiness often seems to spill over into her interactions with colleagues. And I will be honest: I don't particularly enjoy being around negativity. Even on our worst days, I believe we have some choice in how we show up. We all have a mind full of thoughts and feelings, but we don't have to give every thought or feeling the steering wheel.
So when I received that email, my first thought was: I’m sorry I made you feel that way. Which sounds like the polite, professional, emotionally mature response, right? Except…I wasn't sorry.
And that realization made me pull out Girl, Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis. Yes, this was the second time I had read this book this year. Apparently, I needed the refresher. Because there is a big difference between apologizing because you did something wrong and apologizing because someone doesn't like the boundary you just set. Sometimes we have to have firm, adult conversations. Sometimes people are going to be uncomfortable. Sometimes people are going to be disappointed. And sometimes, they may even be hurt. That doesn't automatically mean you did something wrong.
One of the counseling pieces of wisdom I share with almost all of my patients is that we cannot control other people. We can only control how we respond to them. I realized that I don't have to hang out with negative or mean people. I don't have to spend extra time with people who make me feel anxious. I don't have to absorb someone else's unhappiness just because I happen to work with them. I can do my job well. I can be professional. I can be kind. And I can still have boundaries. Those things can all exist at the same time.
Rachel Hollis talks about this idea of making a “course correction.” We can get sidetracked without even realizing it. We start worrying too much about what other people think. We start saying yes when we mean no. We start apologizing for things that don't require an apology. Before long, we've wandered pretty far from where we actually wanted to be. For me, the direction I want to be headed is toward peace and joy. That doesn't mean every day is peaceful or joyful. It means those are the things I want to prioritize. And sometimes that means checking in with myself and asking:
Am I still headed in the direction I want to go?
I actually love the idea of doing a weekly course correction. Maybe it's taking a few quiet minutes on Sunday to think about the week ahead. Maybe it's setting an intention each morning. Maybe it's realizing in the middle of a conversation that you are giving someone else's reaction way too much power and reminding yourself, Wait. This isn't where I want to be.
The Insight Timer app is one place I like for this. It's free, and you can set an intention for the day and find short meditations when you need to get yourself back on track. Because sometimes we don't need a complete life overhaul. Sometimes we just need a course correction. And maybe that's what Anne Hathaway's comment about choosing joy really got me thinking about.
Choosing joy isn't always about adding something fun to your life. Sometimes choosing joy means removing something. Sometimes it means saying no. Sometimes it means setting a boundary. Sometimes it means letting someone be disappointed in you. And sometimes it means not apologizing when you haven't actually done anything wrong.
Girl, boy, kid, adult…Stop apologizing.
Stop focusing so much on what other people think of you. Stop giving someone else’s opinions so much power over your peace. Set the boundary. Have the uncomfortable conversation. Make the course correction. Choose your joy. Because we only get this one life. And if Anne Hathaway can be 43, pregnant, starring in five movies, and deciding that joy is worth prioritizing…Maybe the rest of us can make a little room for it too. And maybe we don't have to wait until we're 43 to start.
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