Joy that isn't always Happy

For many, joy is a happy, upbeat word—often categorized as a form of happiness. But for me, joy is so much bigger than that, and quite honestly, not always happy.

Both of my pregnancies had difficult moments. My son was born by emergency C-section—one of those moments when the doctor comes in and says, We need to do this surgery now. My doctor looked scared. My husband looked scared. And I honestly don’t remember much after that.  This was supposed to be a time of great joy—having my first child—but instead I was faced with something very scary. When my son was born, the one thing I remember clearly was the doctor saying, Had we waited much longer, you could have died.  Yet I felt joy.

Three years later, I went in for my planned C-section to have my daughter. Little things happened in preparation for the surgery, but at one point I vividly remember saying to Stuart, I need to see Kole before I go back. It wasn’t panic. It wasn’t fear. It was a deep knowing—a need to tell him I loved him.

In that moment, I felt something I can only describe as complete trust in the Lord, that everything was going to be okay.  Again, I felt joy.

Nehemiah 8:10 says, “The joy of the Lord is our strength.”

I went back for surgery and, without going into details, had to be “put out.” (If you are reading this and have even the slightest thought of becoming an anesthesiologist someday—please do not ever use those words when someone is on the operating table.) I remember that I wasn’t scared.  I woke up to find my beautiful, healthy daughter.  What joy.

While this was how God was teaching me about joy, I began to wonder—how does this relate to Christmas?  As I looked back on my story, I could only imagine what it must have been like for Mary.  In Luke 1:30–35, the angel tells her not to be afraid, that she has found favor with God, that she will conceive and give birth to a son—the Son of the Most High. A Savior. A King.  What an incredible responsibility.  Yet Mary responds in verse 38:

“I am the Lord’s servant. May your word to me be fulfilled.”

But as we all know, the story doesn’t end there. Mary and Joseph travel to Bethlehem to fulfill God’s perfect plan.  Luke 2:7 tells us:

“She gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them.”

I’ve always found that detail interesting. Why wasn’t there room in the inn?  God knows our plans. He knows our future.

Psalm 139:16 says, “All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”

And yet—no room.  I am no great scholar, but many who have studied this come to similar conclusions: when things don’t fall perfectly into place, it doesn’t mean God isn’t behind the plan, or that we somehow missed it.  Sometimes God’s perfect plan is messy.  For many of us—myself included—we want all the pieces to fit neatly together. But often our walk with the Lord leads us into deep, muddy waters. And that is not necessarily a bad thing.  Sometimes the joy of the Lord exists alongside sorrow, despair, and fear.

For some, Christmas is a season of missing loved ones and grieving plans that didn’t unfold the way they hoped. For me, the holidays are filled with memories of my dad, who became sick at Thanksgiving and passed away shortly after Christmas.  After a very difficult relationship over many years, the Christmas before he died became one of my sweetest memories of him. It was only a few days, but they were days filled with peace—no fighting, no frustration.  Sometimes in order to find joy, we have to trust the Lord and not be afraid—just like Mary.

James 1:2 says, “Consider it pure joy… whenever you face trials of many kinds.”

I referenced the book In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day last week, but one of my favorite quotes from it says this: 

“Everyone’s path is littered with the debris of dysfunction and disappointment. We’ve all been misjudged and misled. And we will be many more times before our lives are over. But God is in the business of using those experiences to prepare us for future opportunities.” 

Why would I ever doubt Him?  In Christ is the only place where true joy can be found.  God gave His only Son, and He sent an angel with this promise in Luke 2:10:

“Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.”

People who understand joy see adversity as opportunity. Joy is the result of all our Advent words—Hope, Peace, Love, and Salvation.  When the glass is almost empty, the joyful person is thankful for what remains, enjoys it fully, and trusts the Lord without fear that it will run out.

Psalm 126:3 says, “The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.”

No matter what has happened, we all have the ability to experience joy. But too often, joy is mistaken for just happiness.  Instead of yearning for a problem-free life, rejoice that your troubles may have brought you closer to God. See the value in those struggles as pure joy.  My hope for you is that you fill your life with the true joy that is found only in Christ—the joy spoken of in Habakkuk 3:18:

“I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.”

That kind of joy empowers us in every situation we encounter, no matter how messy life becomes.  I know—because I’ve been there.  And remember: we have an eternity of trouble-free living awaiting us when our Savior takes us home.