The Art of Letter Writing

I often suggest writing a letter to my clients—sometimes to someone they miss, sometimes to someone they’re angry with, and sometimes to themselves. Letter writing can have such a healing quality. When someone is feeling conflicted, I’ll often say: Sit down and write a letter. Don’t worry about punctuation, the occasional swear word, or whether your sentences run on. Just write. Get every feeling out.  I preface it with this: You are not sending this letter. This is simply a way to get the feelings out of your mind and onto something outside of you.  When you’re done, read it over. Notice whether something showed up that you didn’t even realize you were upset about. Then scan your body from head to toe. What do you feel? Relief? Tension? Sadness? Name it. From there, decide:  Are there pieces of this I actually want to share? Or am I okay now that I’ve released it?  Most of the time, I find I never need to send the letter to feel better.

I’m so thankful for my mom, because I can’t count the times I’ve sent her a draft of a letter “just to proofread.” She’ll ask, “So… did you send it?” And almost always the answer is no. I guess I just needed someone to hear me. Feeling like you have a voice is a powerful part of healing. Steven Covey’s 8th Habit—an addition to his original 7 Habits of Highly Effective People—is Find Your Voice. The idea is that we have the power and freedom (my word for the year!) to choose our response to whatever happens next. We also have a responsibility to discover our purpose and to empower others to discover theirs. I’m grateful that my career gives me the chance to do that every day—but here’s the thing: you have that same chance too.  You can do it for a friend, a family member, a coworker—anyone who needs encouragement while they’re hurting.

One thing the COVID era gave me was the reminder to send letters, cards, or little trinkets. When I couldn’t see my people, snail mail felt like connection, and honestly, I often got just as much joy as the person who received it.  When my son was at Basic Training and oversees, letter writing became our way to remember that experience.  So maybe it’s time for you to take a minute and write a letter—whether it’s for you or for someone else.

Find your voice. Write a letter.  And feel empowered this week