Extend a Little Bit of Kindness

A few days before my colonoscopy, I got a phone call.  It has taken me years to stop denying the need for the procedure, and when I finally scheduled it, the days that followed were full of angst. Between the surgery center, the doctor’s office, and anesthesia, it felt like I was getting two phone calls a day—each one asking the same questions. I felt like a walking checklist.  But then, the last call came. A quiet, timid voice greeted me on the other end of the line. She introduced herself as someone from billing, calling to go over the charges for my upcoming procedure.  She hesitated for a moment before saying, “So… your insurance deductible is quite high.”  There was a pause, heavy with anxiety.  I responded, “I know the procedure is expensive, and I have the means to pay what I need to today.”  She exhaled. I could almost feel the relief wash over the phone line.  “Oh thank you so much,” she said. “I just didn’t know how I was going to tell you how much you owed. I could only imagine how upset you were going to be with me. Thank you for making this conversation so easy.”

That moment made me stop. Really stop to think.  This woman likely hears people complain, yell, or treat her with frustration and blame all day long—for something she doesn’t control. She’s not the one setting prices. She’s not the one who created the system. And yet, she’s the one who carries the weight of everyone’s fear and frustration.  How many people out there work in jobs like hers—where they never feel supported, rarely feel heard, and often brace themselves for hostility before they even say “hello”?  I say it all the time: it takes more energy to be hateful and hurtful than it does to be kind. But somewhere along the way, people seem to have forgotten that.

You’ve seen the quotes floating around social media: “Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about.” And it’s true—not just for strangers, but for me and for you, too. We all carry invisible loads. And when we interact with others, we’re often unaware of what they’re walking through.  Lately, I’ve heard people talk a lot about “matching energy”—the idea that we should respond to people with the same attitude they give us. And while I get the intent behind that sentiment, I have to say: if I matched energy every day as a therapist, I would walk around sad, anxious, hyper, and completely depleted.  Instead of matching energy, what if we extended kindness?  What if we offered understanding instead of defensiveness? Empathy instead of resistance?  I know what causes me angst in this world. And I also know how deeply healing it is when someone offers me grace during those moments. A kind word. A little patience. A moment of calm.

So this week, I invite you to do the same. Focus on your interactions. When your own day feels heavy or your to-do list feels endless, choose kindness anyway.  Someone might really need it today—and the beautiful thing is, you will likely feel better too.